Misfits Panda aka Glenn Pandzig!

This just creeps me out, and I love it! 

Misfits Panda (Glenn Pandzig!) for Erika | Flickr - Photo Sharing!

Electric Faucets

A solution looking for a problem

Bath Salts Zombie

Bath Salts Zombie Caught On Tape 2012 LSD PCP - YouTube

Okay, WTF?!

Breaking up with Reality

As I get older, I tend to feel that disconnecting from reality us mostly due to its excess supply. How can existence be so beautiful and perverse simultaneously?

WTF, Harry?

Funny Wtf Poster Pictures & Funny Wtf Poster Pics - Myspace, hi5 & Friendster

A horse is a vehicle, in Kentucky, if you're drunk

Kentucky cops will write you a DUI if you ride a horse drunk. The fellow whose circumstances proved this to the rest of us was carrying a jar of "moonshine" at the time. Lowering the Bar has some legal analysis of the bust. Good thing the horse was sober when he got pulled over, or there would have been an additional count of cruelty to animals.

And things are not looking good for him otherwise. The statutory language is better than the title: "No person under the influence of intoxicating beverages or any substance which may impair one's driving ability shall operate a vehicle that is not a motor vehicle anywhere in this state." Okay, but what is a "vehicle not a motor vehicle"? I think a skateboard or scooter would qualify, or even a Big Wheel. The Flintstones car would count. Surely someone in Kentucky has one of those. But can a living thing be a "vehicle"? Yes, people ride around on them, but to me the common meaning of "vehicle" just doesn't include a horse (elephant, lion, Sasquatch, whatever). A vehicle is a machine.

There is some support for this elsewhere in the statutes. The one above refers to "driving" ability. "Driving" is not the same as "riding" when it comes to animals, according to television. You would "ride" a horse during a cattle "drive," for example; you don't "drive" a horse. And look over here at Section 189.310, "Vehicles meeting other vehicles and animals," which not only distinguishes between "vehicles" and "animals" but also makes the riding/driving distinction. That seems unnecessary if every animal you could ride is also a vehicle, doesn't it?

All very interesting, said no one, but aren't there often statutes that define certain legal terms? Yes, and there's one here. And sadly for Rooster Cogburn, it defines "vehicle" as including "All agencies for the transportation of persons or property over or upon the public highways of the Commonwealth.…" So while I still like my "animal is not a vehicle" argument, Kentucky has precluded it.

Don't Ride Drunk in Kentucky

Museum buys two mules, euthanizes them for exhibit

LUBBOCK, Texas  -- A West Texas museum has purchased two old mules and euthanized them for a farm display.

There is usually more than headlines to a story, except when political gain can be realized. 

The American Museum of Agriculture in Lubbock says in a statement that the two mules were purchased from a local horse and mule trader after a long search for already preserved animals came up empty.

One mule was 28 years old. The other was 32.

The mules were euthanized and will eventually be put on display.

Museum officials say the mules would have otherwise been transported to Mexico and slaughtered.

This is the point which groups like PETA will likely ignore entirely. While I believe all life is sacred and deserving of respect, as long as the lives were not unnecessarily put to an end, I ddon't see any need for debate. 

Responding to criticism over the move, the museum said in the statement released Monday that the real animals will allow visitors to get a more accurate picture of how mules are used in the field.

http://www.khou.com/news/texas-news/Museum-buys-2-mules-euthanizes-them-for-exhibit-170224226.html

Wikipedia: Phillip Roth Doesn't Know Anything About His Books

If there is anybody who is an undeniable expert in the novels of Phillip Roth, it would be this guy named Phillip Roth. According to Wikipedia, he’s a two-time National Book Award winner, he’s won a Pulitzer, he’s won the PEN/Faulkner Award three times, and a whole bunch of other awards.

Also according to Wikipedia, he does not know enough about his own book to be able to edit the page to clear up a misconception. But this event is only funny on the surface. In reality it shows how bureaucratic and near-sighted Wikipedia has actually become.

The incident is pretty simple: Roth wanted to edit Wikipedia’s page about The Human Stain, his award-winning book. Wikipedia told him that they needed secondary sources and that his word wasn’t good enough. Chuckle-worthy, right? Not really.

Stop and consider for a minute that what Wikipedia is essentially saying, to the guy who wrote the book, is “You didn’t tell enough people about this, so we can’t take you at your word.” Kafka couldn’t write something that was more of a bureaucratic nightmare.

 

Negating it's existence since it began 

Read more: Wikipedia: Phillip Roth Doesn't Know Anything About His Books | UPROXX

If You Like Peanut Butter and Jelly You Might be a Racist

Ah, public "education." That should be known as a textbook example of a contradiction in terms, what an oxymoron...

Jeff Foxworthy made a career and a fortune telling redneck jokes.

• "If you believe you got a set of matched luggage when you have two shopping bags from the same store, you might be a redneck."

• "If you think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are 'Gentlemen, start your engines,' you might be a redneck."

• "If you think Sherlock Holmes is a housing project down in Biloxi, Mississippi, you might be a redneck."

I thought about coming up with a "you might be a racist if" routine. After thinking about it for awhile, I'm sure someone would say, "If you tell 'you might be a racist' jokes, you might be a racist." So switching careers is just not in the cards or stars until stupid people stop breeding and infecting the gene pool.

The latest "you might be a racist" accusation comes from a K-8 public school principal. Naturally.

"Verenice Gutierrez picks up on the subtle language of racism every day. Take the peanut butter sandwich, a seemingly innocent example a teacher used in a lesson last school year.

"'What about Somali or Hispanic students, who might not eat sandwiches?' says Gutierrez, principal at Harvey Scott K-8 School, a diverse school of 500 students in Northeast Portland's Cully neighborhood.

"'Another way would be to say: "Americans eat peanut butter and jelly, do you have anything like that?" Let them tell you. Maybe they eat torta. Or pita.'"

To ensure that there are no tinges of overt or subconscious racist thoughts, words, or actions, "Guitierrez, along with all of Portland Public Schools' principals, will start the new school year off this week by drilling in on the language of 'Courageous Conversations.'"

Their time would be better spent teaching their students to read, write, add subtract, divide, and multiply, and speak well in order to help them get good jobs so they can buy peanut butter, jelly, torta, and pita.

Who frequents ethnic restaurants more than any other group in the United States? White people! Go to your favorite Chinese, Mexican, Thai, or Cuban restaurant, and what will you find? The seats loaded with people from all types of national backgrounds. Americans love ethnic food and don't care one whit who's cooking and serving it.

I grew up in an ethnically diverse neighborhood and never thought someone else was being "insensitive to my Italian heritage" because some of my German friends ate knockwurst or "pigs in a blanket."

The inmates are running the asylum.

Link: http://politicaloutcast.com/2012/09/if-you-like-peanut-butter-and-jelly-you-might-be-a-racist

The Mompetition: Girl Scout Moms, Be Quiet!

Probably since the beginning of time, it is the role of the current generation to disdainfully shake their heads at the younger generation and sense the imminent doom of the human race.  This past week I have joined my predecessors and their prediction for our apocalypse.  It’s Girl Scout Cookie season, the time of year when I make random trips to the local grocery store just so I have an excuse to get my fix from my favorite sash-clad dealers.  Before children (BC) I would walk up, get my cookies, and either stuff them in my mouth during the car ride home or wait until I got home to brew a cup of coffee and dunk away.  After children (OMGWTF) I have felt the need to engage myself more with the cookie pushers.  Tragically this past week, I have been met with a startling sense that, yes, our future is doomed.  Please allow me to share my two examples with you.

First, I eagerly walked up to the young girl who was stationed behind the poster-covered table.  Back in my day a box was only one dollar and fifty cents and each cookie had normally abnormal names like Trefoils, Tangalongs and Do-si-does, but I digress.  I asked the Brownie Scout if I could please have a box of Thin Mints, ie crack covered in chocolate.  She rolled her eyes over to her mother who said, “That will be three dollars and fifty cents!” as she handed me the flimsy green box.  Annoyed at her mother’s involvement in our transaction, I looked back at the young Brownie scout and asked, “I have a ten dollar bill, how much change do I get back?”  The mom spit out, “six-fifty!”  “I was asking her,” I replied.  The Brownie removed her iPod headphones and politely said, “Huh?”  I repeated, “Change, how much change do I get from a ten dollar bill when buying this one box of cookies?”  The girl looked at her mom. I held my hand up, twitched my head to the right with a slight jerk and returned my glare back to Miss Brownie.  She immediately sensed she was in the midst of having a thought and her pain was apparent.  She uttered, “Um, I don’t know.  Mom, I need a calculator, hand me my phone.”  Defeated, Mom said, “It’s six-fifty honey.”  The little girl then plugged her ear buds deeply into the cavity that is supposed to hold a brain.

Fail number two began when my doorbell rang.  For a brief moment I thought, Oh goodie!  This little girl will provide me with the sense that our world isn’t going down the brainless toilet!  Then, she greeted me with “Do you want some Girl Scout cookies?”  Not ‘how are you doing this evening madam’, just “ya want um or not lady.”  I glanced up to see a velour-covered woman with a rolling crate hanging out on my sidewalk.  To interject, ok, one, I had to peddle my own cookies with no help from adults, and two, I had to haul my boxes around in a metal wagon freezing to death as I went from house to house.   I suppose in this day and age most mothers have fallen victim to the your daughter will be raped and murdered if she dare knock on a neighbors door creed.  But, let’s not get started on that.  Back to my story, “Yes, I will take a box of Thin Mints please.”  Again, I began my test, however this time I gave a unmistakable glance to the mother letting her know, this was a test to see if our species will, in fact, live on.  “I am going to get one box of cookies, here is a ten dollar bill, how much change do I get back.”  Instantly, the girl responded, “I don’t know,” and glanced at her mother.  The mom, actually playing along said, “Honey, figure it out, she is giving you a ten and the box of cookies is three dollars and fifty cents.  How much change do I need to give her?”  The girl stammered, stared at the ground, shrugged her shoulders and said, “I don’t know.”  The mom instantly sensed judgment and pleaded cheerfully, “Honey, just subtract three point five from ten!”  The little girl again replied, “I don’t know.”  Mom asked unconvincingly, “You know how to subtract right?”  The fourth grade girl replied, “Kinda, why?”  Mom again said, “Ok, good, ten minus three point five is…oh come on honey, don’t you know?  It is…siiiiiiiiiix (eye brows raise and voice ascends) fiiiiiifty (chin lowers and voice descends).”  The girl looks at me and says, “six-fifty!”  The mom says, “Yes!  Right!  Good job!”  The mom then plunks down six dollars and fifty cents and the pair walked away.

Now, I don’t know about you, but the above anecdotes make me throw my head deeply into my hands and shake my head with fury.  What is going on Moms?  These little girls have no clue about business manners or simple sense?  What is 2026 going to look like when these women start entering the workforce?  Will they rely on others to keep pushing them along?  Will they constantly shrug and say, “I dunno?”  The whole purpose of earning a cookie badge is to teach our young women the basics of our capitalistic entrepreneurial market.  As long as ‘Girl Scout Mother’ is handling all matters, our young women have no support system in this educational arena.  For the love of all that is holy, let your daughters learn.  Let them try, let them fail, and let them handle their own responsibilities.  I gladly would have waited hours for that little girl to come up with “six dollars and fifty cents”.  But, as so many moms are, her mom was too concerned about making sure her daughter’s little brain didn’t struggle or get it’s feelings hurt.  Well I have news for you honey, life hurts, the real world is hard and the sooner you learn to look an adult in the eye and count back change, the sooner you will get your big girl panties.

The Mompetition: Girl Scout Moms, Be Quiet!

You Want Some Splenda With Your Awkcchiato?

            

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Original Page: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/Failbooking/~3/nhd7C9qbiKw/6549529600

Bad Lip Reading’s Version of ‘Twilight’ Improves on the Dialogue

Those in the anti-Twilight camp can come up with a million and one reasons to hate the series in about five sconds, but even those who don't out-and-out loathe it have to groan at some of the franchise's more painfully overwritten dialogue. I remember going to see the first film with a friend who lived for girly, romantic movies, and even she couldn't help but laugh at Robert Pattinson's mortified reading of "And so the lion fell in love with the lamb."

So maybe it's for the best that the first installment of the series has now received the Bad Lip Reading treatment. No more Bella chewing her lip and sighing about how gosh-darned pretty Edward is. Now their stilted flirtations have been turned into gibberish like "You slapped a fish. You punched it" and "That cake's my most bestest creation. Why'd you eat it?" I'm not saying the new dialogue is any smarter (it most definitely is not), but it is about a hundred times funnier. Watch the brilliantly stupid video after the jump.

For the unintiated, the charm of the Bad Lip Reading videos is that their new nonsense dialogue syncs perfectly with the victims' lips, making it look like they really are spouting those inane lines. Highbrow humor it isn't, but I laughed harder than I ever thought I would at any Twilight movie.

[via Screen Crush]

The team more often targets politicians and pop stars, but apparently they've now moved on to movies. Jeff Who Lives at Home got some new lines as well, back in July, but Twilight works so much better because the original movie takes itself so seriously. Head to their YouTube page to see more videos.

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Original Page: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/slashfilm/~3/7gOTtwJ4gAU/